What Can You Do to Be a Better Partner?
Relationships are dynamic and ever-changing. Everyday happenings require you to adjust and grow accordingly. Matters of you or your partner ultimately affect the collective “us” relationship.
Healthy relationships are made of partners who routinely and consciously work on the relationship as a whole, and as individuals. Here are some strategies to help strengthen your relationship.
Remember Your Personal Care
In order to be a better partner, we need to practice healthy self care behaviors. If we decide to practice healthy self care behaviors, issues we are experiencing are less likely to creep into our relationship.
Investing in a self-care routine can work wonders. When life gets busy, especially caring for your partner or caring for children, it’s amazing how quickly we can forget about ourself. Spend time each day doing something that serves your mind, body, and soul. Read that book that’s been sitting on your shelf, drink plenty of water, exercise, meditate, or go for a walk outside. Get in a routine of “me time” to keep everything balanced.
Focus on Personal Growth
Our own personal growth is important for us to engage in a healthy love relationship. It is important to spend time reflecting on any areas that we struggle with in our relationship. This self-awareness and openness to work on personal matters is a sign of strength.
I heard a statement recently that stood out to me . “If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you!” Many times the ‘baggage’ we bring into our relationship effects the people who matter most to us.
So often, we want our partner to change to fit whatever behavior or mold we have in mind. Our own willingness to change and address any issues of our own may inspire our partner to do the same.
Exercise Grace
Being able to sustain a happy state with our partner over the long run requires plenty of grace for ourselves and our partner. Disagreements are going to be a natural part of life and conflict will be unavoidable.
Acknowledging that we can either be ‘right’ or we can be ‘connected’ is an important first step. Compassion and grace create a deeper understanding and a closer connection. When we find ourselves in a space of confrontation or disagreement, it is important to pause before we react. We need time to truly understand ourselves, our partner and the experience. Remember, ‘we listen to understand our partner not to respond to them’!
Practice Being Vulnerable
“The definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness; it's our most accurate measure of courage.“ as defined by Brene Brown! Whenever we find ourselves afraid in our relationship, the most important muscle we can implement is courage! Creating an open space to share our fear and experience increases our vulnerability and ultimately our connection.
Neale Donald Walsch wrote, “Perfect love is to feeling what perfect white is to color. Many think that white is the absence of color. It is not. It is the inclusion of all color. White is every other color that exists, combined. So, too, is love not the absence of an emotion (hatred, anger, lust, jealousy, covetousness), but the summation of all feeling. It is the sum total. The aggregate amount. The everything.” Many times couples become confused and think conflict is negative or something is ‘wrong’ with their relationship! It is important to note that ‘behind every complaint is a wish’! Many times our conflict can increase our connection if we take the time to listen understand our partner and look for the ‘wish’ underneath their complaint!
Our hope is to move away from ‘happily ever after (unreasonable expectations) moving into an ‘in love ever after (in service to one another) relationship! Of course defining love as verb! After all the purpose of coupling is to connect with someone to ‘deal with life’s difficulties with’!
It is important to note that we are not meant to feel happy when difficult or sad experiences are happening. It does not take away from ‘love’ to experience sadness! Our ultimate goal in couples therapy is to increase authentic connection not to feel ‘happy’ when we are experiencing conflict
The more we open up and are vulnerable with our partner, the stronger our emotional connection will become with them. Becoming vulnerable, believing in each other, and reasonable expectations are all important components of a more mature relationship, one that will only strengthen over time!
Remember to Listen
It is human nature to want to feel understood. It is also human nature to have communication habits that may get in the way of that process. When things go wrong, and many times when they go right, it’s natural to want to add in an opinion. It’s important to remember that not everything in life is our responsibility to fix or advise on.
Again, it is important to note that the purpose of listening is to understand not to respond! Many times our partner may need a listening ear. A true gift of intimacy is offered when we help our partner feel seen and heard.
Focus on Maintenance Behaviors
There are certain behaviors in any relationship that can increase connection. While many of them are natural, they do require a certain level of intention to be maximized.
Be positive and express happiness with time together.
Show understanding and forgiveness.
Provide assurance about future matters.
Be open with your needs and wants.
Share tasks when possible rather than separate/delegate.
Spend time with each other’s loved ones.
Offer appreciations often
If you’d like to learn more about building strength in your relationship, contact us today to learn about couples therapy and relationship strengthening sessions! A sliding scale is offered to those in need.
