Dealing with Grief - What If It Doesn't Move in Stages
Grief is one of many universal human experiences. It’s an unavoidable part of life.
People may grieve over any major life change, a job loss, a relationship ending, the loss of a pet, or the death of a loved one. So often when dealing with grief, you will hear about the five stages, or in some instances seven.
But what if your process doesn’t exactly line up with the five stages model? Are you not doing it properly? Will your outcomes not be “normal?” When you’re already dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, this isn’t something you need to have complicating your process. Here’s some helpful information to consider about those stages.
The Five Stage Model
The original five stages of grief was developed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in the 60’s. Her stages were based on her personal studies and interviews of patients dying from terminal illnesses.
They were never meant to be a roadmap used universally for grief, but rather a summation of the experiences of the patients she had interacted with. It was their process of coming to terms with their loss. The five stages included denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Over time, two additional stages were added to reconfigure the model to further reflect the complexity of the grief process.
A Search for Structure
When dealing with loss and death, life becomes unbalanced and confusing. The grief process may throw you completely off balance. The natural desire is to want something clearcut and instructive on how to get through it the least unscathed.
The thought of a five step guidebook doesn’t seem that bad…until your personal process isn’t following it. At that point, you might start to feel like a failure in your grieving process.
Getting through grief requires some level of coping. You cope by aiming for something certain. There is still a way that the stages of grief can provide a road map that you can use to navigate through the difficulty with.
Grief in the Real World
The reality of grief is that it is all over the map. It’s often non-linear. It’s messy and unpredictable.
Once you come to this reality, it’s not hard to fall into a rut of negative emotions. You may find yourself angry one day, depressed the next, and guilty the week after. It’s possible to skip past certain emotions, feel like you’re at the acceptance stage, then fall back to a previous stage only to cycle through varying stages over again.
The struggle is normal and the all-over feeling is part of the process. It is important to come to the realization that grief probably won’t move in stages and it isn’t linear. You may even find yourself on a completely different path than anyone else who is sharing in your grief or who has dealt with grief of their own.
Acceptance of Your Process
It is important to have a flexible approach to the grief process. Your story is your own. The timeline you move through will travel at your pace. At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time limit.
Accept your process, trust in yourself, and most importantly, give yourself plenty of grace throughout the process.
Seeking Help
The grieving process can be difficult and seem unmanageable. You don’t have to walk on this journey alone. With a little help from a professional, you can gain insight and learn effective coping strategies to aide you along.
No matter where you’re at with the grief process, contact us today to learn more about grief counseling. A sliding scale is offered to those in need.
